It is hard to explain my position right now. I was raised to be around family and love but also fear and broken hearts. I could run from all this mess and begin my life but then I would leave my siblings behind.

They invite me to family gatherings which I would like to attend to be that family again but then I think of the other side. How do I know which side will be there…

The one that tells me I love you.. or the side that is waiting for me to fail.

I think of how I looked up to you and as I text or call you I see the mom and dad you were when we would joke just the three of us but then I get confused with being called out of my name, or hearing that you talked about me expecting failure, or talking to be as if you were in disgust.

How do I know who you are? As I attempt to speak to you as if nothing ever happened I erase it and feel as if I lost you…

 

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