You know I just had a flashback when we lived in the condo. Just my parents and I. I was on Summer or winter break and we were given a reading log to track our reading. I used to struggle with reading so much I dreaded and tried getting away from it whenever I could. It was just hard for me to comprehend what I read.

I remember my parents going to work and just writing all the titles on my reading log and just saying I read. I forgot to mention I was in second grade so I was about 7years old.

I can recall one night my parents asking to see my reading log and they asked me about it. I told them I did read until my dad asked me questions from the chapter book. I couldn’t answer the questions so he caught me in a lie. I was not brought up getting spanked instead I was yelled at or told things. In this situation my dad raised his voice and told me to say bye to my dog because he is going to put him on a leash tie him to the back of the truck and drive off. He said he didn’t care if he died. I remember yelling and crying and just the guilt I carried. I stayed up late laying next to my dogs crate. I would look at him and just apologize for what I did and express the guilt I had from lying now he was going to get killed because of me. I don’t even remember if I slept on the floor or bed. But all I remember is thinking my dad probably forgot he was going to take my dog because my dog was still here. I gave it time and my dog was never taken. Did I ever lie again NO.

Although my parents never spanked me growing up whenever I did something I was given threats similar by my dad. I can remember making a myspace behind there back at 15 years old and my dad threatened to take me out of my school, had me go to sleep on the floor and yell at me to drop out of school become a chola, for me to go do drugs and get pregnant. He yelled at me saying all the stuff he dealt with drug wise and street wise and asked if I wanted it to let him know as he could give me phone number for the drugs. I never did that again.

I never told anyone but my siblings hearing the yellings.

I thought it was normal until getting older and putting the pieces together it wasn’t that my dad was guiding me he was scaring me.

I know from this what I won’t do or say to my own kids.