I think back. Think back to a weekend that alcohol wasn’t involved. Birthday parties? Nope there was alcohol. Graduation? Alcohol. Fights Alcohol. Weekdays? Alcohol. It became a pattern to see the times they would drink these fights would get worse the threats hurt more and the words stabbed.

I can think back to when I was talking to my mom what I learned in my psychology class. I made a connection to heavy drinkers and the reason why they may drink. To hide and no longer feel the pain or stress.

My mom thought I was crazy. I asked her why parties have to have alcohol all the time? Couldn’t she have fun with us without drinking?

Her answer was just her feeling looser. 

But the problem with that my youngest brother takes it as a joke to talk about ALL the times he has seen them drunk. The time she fell, the time dad went to his bed because he was drunk, the time she danced on a table….

For a kid…should those be the memories?

You know my dad used to complain how his dad was a drunk when he was a kid. I’m not sure if I’m crazy but they are to that point. When alcohol is everything. 

They talk to their friends how I bring up moments in our life where they COULDNT say no to alcohol …that being family time and I was just called sick..or not right in the head. 

Don’t get me wrong I did have many moments of MY childhood where it didn’t involve drinking But as I got older alcohol became a new tenant.

My siblings and I always talk about it and we can agree to drink it grosses us out because it’s just memories in a bottle or cup. Memories we wish we never lived. 

If only they understood how much their drinking did have an affect. Maybe one day they can look back and hopefully they even remember…

They may not remember the things that were said or done those nights but I can tell you they were printed on my heart and mind. Have been healing since then.