I think back. Think back to a weekend that alcohol wasn’t involved. Birthday parties? Nope there was alcohol. Graduation? Alcohol. Fights Alcohol. Weekdays? Alcohol. It became a pattern to see the times they would drink these fights would get worse the threats hurt more and the words stabbed.
I can think back to when I was talking to my mom what I learned in my psychology class. I made a connection to heavy drinkers and the reason why they may drink. To hide and no longer feel the pain or stress.
My mom thought I was crazy. I asked her why parties have to have alcohol all the time? Couldn’t she have fun with us without drinking?
Her answer was just her feeling looser.
But the problem with that my youngest brother takes it as a joke to talk about ALL the times he has seen them drunk. The time she fell, the time dad went to his bed because he was drunk, the time she danced on a table….
For a kid…should those be the memories?
You know my dad used to complain how his dad was a drunk when he was a kid. I’m not sure if I’m crazy but they are to that point. When alcohol is everything.
They talk to their friends how I bring up moments in our life where they COULDNT say no to alcohol …that being family time and I was just called sick..or not right in the head.
Don’t get me wrong I did have many moments of MY childhood where it didn’t involve drinking But as I got older alcohol became a new tenant.
My siblings and I always talk about it and we can agree to drink it grosses us out because it’s just memories in a bottle or cup. Memories we wish we never lived.
If only they understood how much their drinking did have an affect. Maybe one day they can look back and hopefully they even remember…
They may not remember the things that were said or done those nights but I can tell you they were printed on my heart and mind. Have been healing since then.
Gift of Light 
April 15, 2017 at 8:23 pm
It’s great that you were able to see the toxic environment for what it was, and brave enough to suggest to your parents that they make changes. I salute you for not following the path laid out for you and would like to tell you loudly and proudly that you are not crazy; just badly let down by people you love and who should have been there to protect you. I hope one day you have a beautiful family of your own and are able to bestow on your children the love you and they deserve.
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April 15, 2017 at 10:33 pm
Thank you for your kind words I appreciate it! And it’s a shocking feeling especially as it’s the ones like you said we’re supposed to protect me
Thank you for reading my story 🙂
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April 16, 2017 at 1:13 am
Have you ever been to Al Anon…you cant get alcoholics to change or see the pain they cause until THEY hit rock bottom…all you can do is take care of you and grieve what alcohol took and all you didnt get in terms of emotional unavailability. …because no alcoholic who drinks can give that… Sending you love
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April 16, 2017 at 4:24 am
No I have never been and it’s sad to know that
but I believe it some people may have to learn the hard way along with dragging those that try to help them..but thank you so much !
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April 16, 2017 at 4:30 am
There is lot wisdom there because others go through this too. Its hard I know when you love someone and long for something better for them and you.
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April 16, 2017 at 1:33 am
If we could only time travel and cure our parents of their messed up childhoods and lifetime hurts, it would have been so different for us. My father was an alcoholic, as were his parents and siblings. At least now, we have resources to help us, we’re not in mere survival mode due to war, famine, or other catastrophes, and so we can start healing ourselves even though we can’t go back in time to unravel the painful genetic knots passed on to us. You are so much further ahead than I could have been when younger. It absolutely sucks sometimes, the cards of life some of us were dealt with, but you are growing and TALKING about what you’ve been through. That is huge in and of itself. Too often silence was the way people dealt with dysfunction. Kudos to you.
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April 16, 2017 at 4:27 am
I agree it would you know we live on knowing and seeing mistakes as we are not perfect. We are given resources upon resources to use to guide but it is up to us to use them. I have been so blessed to have my support push me to open up more about my story only because I do care deeply if others may be stuck. I myself was stuck and confused not knowing for sure if the things were said and done were okay. But thank you my dear friend may we keep on with our chins up high and take control of what’s ahead and make it the best as that is what we deserve 🙂
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April 25, 2017 at 8:27 am
I hope you find a way where alcohol no longer has to be a part of your life. You see the damage it does and being able to see it is huge. Your parents didn’t/don’t seem to see it and sadly they never will. My family weren’t alcoholics but they had other issues and they never once apologized for them. I forgave them, not for their sake but for mine, but I also cut them from my life. Sometimes the only way to save yourself is to cut away the dead weight. I know that isn’t the way we are taught but why should you have to go down with the sinking ship?
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April 25, 2017 at 11:44 pm
Hi there thank you for reading my story…yes I agree with what you said why go down right? We can sink with them or make and take our life in a different direction and do better I wish you the best with everything 🙂
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