He sat in the hospital bed in isolation.
Day 3 I still showed up and hung up the memories that haunt me and was there for family.
“His heart is at 40% and his kidney just shut off.”
Its serious right?
It felt as if I had no emotions but in reality I had to many to really feel.
Day 3 of going to the hospital I sat in front of the bed as he had machines surrounding him.
*SILENCE…
What could we talk about? how life is going? How is life as you are healing?
SILENCE…
Tears and hard breathing broke the silence…
“I am sorry….I want to be a good person…I am sorry for hurting you…I am sorry for being a bad dad….I am sorry for anything I did to hurt you I love you and want to live to see you all grow up…
I want to get better to have our family back…
I am sorry…”
SILENCE…
I told him he just needs to get better…
You know these past 6 years an apology or recognition of my pain is what I wanted. Not a petty I am sorry. Him stepping up and recognized HOW he hurt me.
I am not getting into the cycle…
I accept the apology…I text him once I am home to just thank him for putting my feelings into consideration..
But it doesn’t just go away.
How do I know he is really sorry…he is at life or death pretty much. Is he saying it to get better then go to the old ways? well…baby steps
We are now 2 months of him being out of the hospital and he has remained in his car club…smokes…still competes…talks and has to have his way…
Beginning to unleash his old self..
I gave him a trial to see if he would pass his death bed promises and I do not 100% believe them…
November 29, 2017 at 2:02 pm
I am so relieved to hear that your father is still alive. Further more, your father acknowledged that he has caused you, and your family pain. For an abuser, this is the first step. Statistics show that 1% of abusers change… While this fact may appear to be bleak, it shows that some DO change, however few that may be. While abusers may seem contrite, sorrowful even, they usually misplace the blame for their actions onto their victims. Acknowledging that they are the cause of pain is a positive sign. I believe he was sincere in what he disclosed, that he wants to be a good person. The next step for your father to take is to take the measures needed to bring about change to his harmful behavior. Abusers were often exposed to domestic violence in some form, or were abused as a child themselves, thus continuing the cycle. Abusers are fighting their own inner demons daily. Therapy, anger management classes, parenting classes, support groups, seminars, substance/alcohol abuse groups, and the like, are all valuable assets to assist in change. Most importantly, however, your father MUST put forth immense and sincere effort DAILY in order to make change a reality. There most certainly is hope, but it is ultimately up to him; no one can change an abuser, but the abuser their self. Time shall tell. I dearly wish for the best. I hope this information is of some assistance.
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 27, 2018 at 9:11 pm
Yes this is helpful I appreciate you time and love you sent. It is such an amazing feeling to have people like you who spread this love and care. To know during these moments that it is needed. Thank you for reading my story as well as taking the time to help me with this knowledge as I take this route.
LikeLike